Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she smelled like a LAN party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
