I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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