haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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