just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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