After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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