I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
