I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
