We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
