why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
