fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
