do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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