i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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