Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
