She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
