The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
