it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
