he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
