My Higher Power is John Stamos
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
