my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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