i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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