obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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