And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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