I have demons in me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dignity is for republicans.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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