I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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