You're my little dorito
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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