Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
