Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
