I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
