After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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