We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
