ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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