Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
