im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
