"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
