I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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