It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
