i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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