Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
