Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
