i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize