You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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