please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
