When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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