if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
