When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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