isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
