I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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