so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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