Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
