with your own penis?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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