EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
