Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
