i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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