Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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