you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hippo gnu deer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
