the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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