Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
