wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
