tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
