She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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