I should be sponsored by Trojan
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
