Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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