the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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