Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
