I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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