the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
only you would photoshop your dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize