Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
