But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
