i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
