My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
sex in a hospital.. check
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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