First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
