after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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