You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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