I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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