There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
