Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
