I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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