God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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