Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
