i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I looked at my own cervix.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
